The coolest thing about being single is that I’m single. Actually that’s a lie, that isn’t cool at all. I haven’t been single in over five years, which is hard to believe since I’m only twenty-two. I spent my years that most people spend “finding themselves” with a person who I thought was “the one.” Obviously, I was so very wrong. And I have come to terms with the fact that even though the whole situation sucks, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
This past year I’ve started coming into my own, discovering who I am on my own. It’s been a journey to say the least. I have enjoyed the late nights out with my girlfriends, tricking men into buying us drinks and leading them to think they’ll get to take us home. It never works because usually we have a sober friend with us that pulls our faces apart and says something along the lines of, “We need to go home.” Over the last few weeks I’ve begun to realize that I’ve been single for nearly a year, and have not gone on one date. Not only that, not one person has even asked to buy me dinner. Or whatever twentysomethings do on dates. I haven’t a clue.
I’ve flirted with the idea of joining a dating website, and shrugged off the idea instantaneously. I don’t need that, I told myself. Then a little voice in the back of my head was laughing at me saying “Oh god, yes you do please stop lying to yourself.”
So last night when a friend mentioned joining OkCupid I laughed it off. I asked if you had to pay for it, because I am not about to spend money on the possibility of meeting the man of my dreams. Once he told me it was free, I shrugged my shoulders (to myself, since I’m alone, all the time,) and decided, why not? What is the worse that could happen? (Murder, that’s what.)
I found the app on my phone and downloaded it. I was faced with all of these questions that I really had not prepared myself for. I sipped on my glass (ahem, bottle) of wine. I didn’t want to answer these questions for others to see, I don’t even know the answers myself. Again, shrugging my shoulders, I dove in. “What I’m doing with my life” was one, “I spend a lot of time thinking about…” was another. My favorite was “The most private thing I’m willing to admit on here is…”
Now, if I were to answer each of these questions honestly, I would probably be kicked off of OKC. I’m literally doing nothing with my life, I’m stuck living with my parents and working at Starbucks serving the fuckheads who want a latte with no foam AT ALL. I spend my time thinking about how depressing my life is, and I am not willing to admit anything private at all.
But of course I did not write those things, I filled out the questions as sincerely as I could without lying and without showing my crazy. That was no easy feat.
I signed up for my first online dating site at 12:42am on a Wednesday. By two am I had three messages. Today at five pm I have nine messages, two from the same guy. I don’t know why he sent it twice. Desperation perhaps?
I don’t have any idea what I’m doing on this site or what my intentions are, but I know that I’m going to blog about it. Because that’s what people do when you try something new. So here is my journey into a world I really don’t think I want to be a part of. Wish me luck.